Whenever people ask me,
“what’s your favorite thing about yourself.”
I always state, My personality.
Some may say their “Ass”
Or any other physical attribute.
But mines has always been..
Back in my High School Days. I wasn’t the most confident in my looks.
But I was confident in My personality.
Even now, in my “glowed up 20’s”, my favorite thing about myself is still..
My personality. Lol
I appreciate my chill and dynamic vibe.
My empathetic nature.
And my natural ability to connect with others.
But like many of you, my personality is very complex. I’m compassionate, kind and very friendly. But there is also a very rebellious side to my character.
It’s definitely the part of my personality, that I’ve observed comes off as a surprise to many. But it’s one of the aspects I appreciate the most about myself.
You see my rebellious nature isn’t wreckless or disrespectful. It’s never been about me feeling the need to be non-compliant, difficult or mean towards others.
And often times my rebellious nature doesn’t even have to do with me.
From the time I was a kid. I’ve always had a hard time following certain rules or orders. My Grandmother was a very orderly woman. And if she said,
“I had to take a bathe”
…then I had to take a bathe.
If she said,
“I had to eat”
..then I had to eat.
But as I got a little older, I began to think to myself,
“If I’m watching Arthur, and she knows I’m watching Arthur. Why do I have to go and bathe right now?!”
”Why do I have to eat when I’m not hungry?”
It all didn’t make any sense to me. And instead of feeling ordered, I sometimes felt controlled.
So I began fussing about it!
Trying my hardest to refuse my Grandmothers orders. But my Grandmother was a very strong headed Aries woman. She never gave me even the slightest opportunity, to stand my ground. If I even rebutalled the words,
“I don’t wanna bathe Gangee. I wanna watch my show!”,
I was getting some serious Caribbean style licks with a stick.
I truly disliked getting licks. Especially when I never completely understood, why I was getting the licks in the first place! Lol.
I knew my Grandmother would give me licks. Anytime I had disobeyed her. But in my mind all I could think was,
“I’m really getting this beating because I didn’t want to eat when I was told to?
“Or bathe when I was told to?”
My little kid mind couldn’t itself wrap around it. But I knew one thing …I was fed up.
One day, when I was at my Grandmothers house. And she was busy in another room. I took her famous stick. And hid it far ..far … FAAAAAAAR! In the back of her storage closet.
Of course it didn’t take long for me to get in trouble again. And for my Grandmother to try her hardest to scavenge for the stick. But this time she couldn’t find it.
She searched and searched. And even started to ask me if I had seen it. But of course I stated that I didn’t. By the time my Mom had arrived from work to get me. My Grandmother had concluded that I hid the stick. And she was quick and ready to let my mother have the news!
“Suzie I know that Gyal Keyana Hid Di Stick!” My Grandmother kept reiterating to my mother.
“No I didn’t, No I Didn’t Gangee” I lied.
And as I write this, this was my only lie to my Grandmother. So it’s probably one of the reasons why I remeber it the most lol. She always wanted me to tell her the truth!
Days passed and she STILL couldn’t find the stick. By this time, I was feeling invincible! I received no licks for daysssssss. Because there was no stick to give me one! My little plan, had worked. And I was feeling ecstatic!
But little did I know, my Grandmother was plotting the WHOLE time. Trying her hardest to find the stick. And patiently waiting to give me a reality check.
Welp, the day had arrived. My Grandmother found the stick in the back of the closet. And that same stick, was also reacquainted with my skin. I got a whopping for sure. But I deserved it! But there was something I remeber about that humorous memory ..My Grandmother was so upset. But she was also very intrigued.
As I got older, and I would reflect back to that memory. I think in my Grandmother’s mind, she knew there was an edge to my compassionate being.
I think she always knew I would grow up and be ready to challenge things that I thought we’re unjust.
or needed to be changed for the better.
That I would grow up, and be inspired to be a Revolutionary.
Even in School, although I got exceptional grades. From the time I was in 1st grade, I often got in trouble, for chanting, “This isn’t fair!” And for essentially speaking up for myself and my peers.
It was viewed as me having, “an attitude,”or being “non-compliant”, but no it wasn’t that.
I just didn’t think the rules were fair!
But I’m older now. And I understand that life isn’t always fair.
But if your going to create rules for all. Than in my idealistic mind. Your rules should be fair for all.
A few weekend ago. My mother was telling me a story. About when I started an after school program in Elementary School. She stated my first complaints to her were,
“Mom this place has too many rules! I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Of course I stayed, and had a great experience there. But I did face racism, and was told to,
“Go back to the Ghetto”
From one of the staff members. Simply because I refused to comply with one of his outlandish orders.
One day, after our outside play period. The staff meber has asked me to pick up a four square ball, and to bring it inside.
My thing was,
“I was not playing 4 square”
And I watched him watch the students that were playing 4 square. Drop the ball, and run inside.
He kept asking me over and over again to get the ball. And I refused, by reiterating over and over again,
“that I wasn’t the one playing with it.”
He knew that, but he didn’t care. Because in reality, it was never about the ball.
What he cared about was that I complied with his order. And when I refused. It made him feel powerless.
He knew I was right.
But to feel powerful, he had to make me feel small. By using racist languange to attack me.
I had to be in 4th or 5th grade at that time. I don’t want to get too deep into that story. But I will say that my Mom came to my defense. And it was once again a learning experience, and a time in my life I will never forget.
So as time went on. Instead of complaining about how unfair some rules and orders were.
Or how people can be ….I stopped conforming to some rules and expectations from others. And began creating my own personal rules and expectations.
And my style was one of them.
I often refer to my style as my “personal form of revolution” because it is, was, and always will be.
My style says “this is me”, but it also says,
“This is me, and this is how I choose to express myself. And there is nothing that you can do about it.”
At any job experience I’ve had up to date. I’ve allowed my style to express that I essentially wasn’t going to conform to the “look” of the company. Even in interviews, I always wear something that says “Yes I’m professional …but that also says,
“This is my style”
“And this is how I like to wear my hair. And I’m letting you know now, that I will NOT conform to the “look” of the company.”
And if I wasn’t able to express that with my style.
For example, if I had to wear a strict uniform. I would make sure to express my personal revolution with my natural hair.
My Afro in itself makes me look rebellious to others. Because it is a symbol of a personal revolution. It not only states to others, that I’m black and I’m proud.
But it also states that I’m Black. And I will not conform to the expectations that this society has placed upon me.
I will not allow this society to tell me, who I can be.
Who I should be.
Or how I should live my life.
At my last job, when I first started. I was literally one of the only few Black woman, wearing her natural hair. Everyone else had their hair straighten. Which is not a problem, or an issue. Everyone is entitled to do what they want with their hair now. But honestly at first, sometimes it used to make me SO uncomfortable.
“Like damn, why am I the only one?”
“Why are y’all conforming to these standards?”
But listen by the time I left …we were all wearing our natural hair, or ethnic protective styles. It made me happy to see them stop conforming.
But it made me even happier to see how liberated they looked, and surely felt.
Now, I won’t spill and share every rebellious life experience I’ve had up to date here loll. I don’t want to bore y’all now loll.
But honestly, with each experience I’ve encountered. I’ve learned that in life, that I will often times be viewed as rebellious for standing my ground.
for expressing myself.
for simply being myself.
for standing up for others.
or for what I believe in.
And for being someone with diginity.
And if that’s the case, than that’s okay.
Which is why I appreciate my rebellious side. Because honestly it’s contributed more good to my life. Than harm.
I think now that I’m older apart of my mission is to encourage people to make some of their own rules. For their own life. Instead of waiting on society, or turning to society for acceptance.
Turn to yourself.
I’m not saying challenge everything. But challenge situations that go against your personal morals and values.
For example, at my last job, there was a lot of sexism and racial tension. And just a lot of overall bullshit happening in that company. I personally didn’t like what was happening to me.
And I certainly didn’t like what was happening to others. So I began to speak on it.
Because it went against my personal morals. I went from being told in meetings,
“Speak your mind more Key, we don’t want you to harbor negative thoughts or feelings. We need for you to express how you feel more”
“Key you need to worry about yourself, and only yourself, not others.”
And to think that was the CEO of the company telling me that. And if I had listened to him and conformed to his way of being. I would have easily learned what it means to be a Boss,
and not a Leader.
My friend once told me,
“Key I don’t understand why people turn to society. It’s not like society is an intimate place.”
“It’s not like society knows us”
My main lesson here is, try your hardest not to let society change who you are. The goal is never to change for society.
But to change society.
And for the better!
So Yes, I’m a Rebel.
But I’m A Rebel with A Cause.
And my rebellious ways stems from wanting better not only for myself. But for others. The main theme is always positive change.
In this one lifetime of mines. I strive to feel as free and be as free, as possible. And honestly, in as many ways that I can. I strive to inspire others to push for the same.
I hope I succeeded in adding some value to your day today. Because that is my mission here at Key To Fashion.
Please fill free to any share any thoughts, takeaways, relatable moments/experiences with me below!
Stripped High-Neck Blouse: Savers($7)| BDG Shorts ($20) Urban Outfitters | Pink Velour High Knee Boots ($14): Charlotte Russe
Total Cost: $41 dollars! Such a steal!!
Thanks for stopping by everyone, and enjoy your day!